another moral hangover. fuck.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
