IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
