maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
