you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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