hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
