3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
