I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Randomize
