he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
