Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize