And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I know her cup size but not her name....
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