Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
