You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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