There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
