if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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