It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
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