I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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