I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
