Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
