I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
