I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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