im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
