There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize