also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
