Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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