woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
