I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
it was like eating out sand paper
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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