dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
