next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
