Ambien. No doubt about it.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
