I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize