i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize