Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
