I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize