I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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