It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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