you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
