Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
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