Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Randomize
