he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
