i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
