he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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