I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
