If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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