You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I wish there were birth control emojis
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
