we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
