A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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