I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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