just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
