ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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