You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You are a genius and a whore.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
