I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
