I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
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