Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize