Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
