I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize