Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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