I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
