her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
