she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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