she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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