I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
