Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
