I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
this hospital has no fireball
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize