She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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