his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Do vagina's smell?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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