For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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