when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
